breakups

don't worry, writing this with a clear and sober mind. everything here will be based on my mind not my heart. well, ehrm, maybe things going to be more emotional later on.

breakups, I'm pretty sure none of us will actually hope things will have to go through this stage. oh hello? who likes it?! yes, i can hear many people screaming when the word "breakup" appeared. it will be ridiculous for me to say breakup aren't that scary. yes, i can see you people starting to throw something at me now. just let me give you some of the scenarios that happened around me lately.

scenario 1: i don't know what i want anymore

we often lost our directions after a long relationship. one party might still stays the same; and another might changed. not speaking about the feelings change here. more like the surroundings influenced that one particular party starting to wonder if he/she is their life partner.

life partner? i can see your confusion there. relationship is not just about love and enjoy all the make-out session and being lovey dovey all the time. it really all about creating the memories together. hrm, sound simple to you? trust me.. is not what you think. creating memories can be both parties trying to build a dream together, build a home together, or even build an interest together. basically something you both enjoyed doing together. 

everyone are born in different kind of culture and we all brought up differently. thus, creating a memories together enable the both different people stays together. buttt... make sure you're doing this because you want to not you're forced to. 

problem: we're lost in the middle. is normal for couples to be at this stage, losing their direction. this happens because we're working or doing things at the different timing or different place. is even normal to wanting to take a step back and re-think. 

breakup can even meant by "take a break". some people do need some time to think everything all over again. the result, you will be surprised. i cant tell you how much time will it takes, but just bear in mind, if you would have to save the relationship back, try to recall all the things you both used to enjoyed together, who knows you may find back your sparks again. if you can't think of any, maybe is not a good idea to go on because there's no common interest?

scenario 2: i found my life partner?

he/she may not be the person who you madly in love, but you still wants to be with that person forever. how strange is that?

a couple who were in a decade of relationship had finally call an end into it. yes, 10 years is very long. this 10 years you basically can just see all goods and bads of one person but at the same time still trying to tolerate. why would i say that? 10 years wasn't a bad memories. they both share the same interest but future wasn't in the topic. there, commitment. many people are afraid of commitments. they afraid to get tied down and even to bare the responsibilities.. 

problem: the reluctant feeling to plan something ahead and most likely to do things spontaneously or going with the flow. this happen because they are pretty much enjoying their current comfort zone and hell no they are moving else where.

breakups, is definitely not easy for this 10 years breakups. but sometimes you just need someone who are willing to think ahead for you, the future and the goals. all this aims actually are the one that keeps you motivated and wanting to move forward together with your partner because you know he/she will be there for you during your ups and downs.

scenario 3: the comfort zone

any idea? yeah, we tend to stay at our own comfort zone for too long. sometimes we don't even realize it. we thought that's call love, that's call still having feelings for each other. but the fact that, we're actually just being comfortable with the companionship. not saying this comfort zone is doing no good. just that it actually makes us stop putting efforts into the relationship and slowly, we drive apart without noticing it.

problems: arguing having some private space or another party starting to wonder "thought you used to like this". we starting to realize actually we don't have any common topic and none of us are willing to commit. we only enjoy the presence of that one person to avoid feeling lonely and to know at least we still have someone. in short, selfish.

breakups is hard here. who likes to be away from their comfort home? but this is the only solution to make both parties to feel alive again. is hurt to see another party is moving faster than you but you know deep down, this is not a competition anymore because you'll be more reluctant to care about what other people thinks as you will be busy to build another comfort zone of your own.

there's many solutions and ways to heal all of your breakups. but i find this video which i recently watched the most helpful way to heal. Guys, don't push yourself too hard because during the relationship, you've already pushed it so hard. is time to take it slowww... enjoy after us.